Why I married a man who doesn’t think I’m beautiful



There are some things in life that make perfect sense, until we actually think them through. Like for real.

For years one of these things for me was the natural kick I got when a man/guy found me attractive. I mean who doesn’t grin inside when a guy gives you a second glance. The thing with this reality is that it never stops there.

Truth be told, we were taught to rely on this somewhat fickle self-esteem booster from a young age. Often I hear parents ask their little girls if that there is their boyfriend. In my heart I always thought this to be cute, but more recently my head says, “Gracious, that may just have been the start of this beautiful little girl’s chase after attention”.

There is something deep in the heart of every woman, a desire to be told and known to be beautiful. We crave it from the moment we can say the word, and I don’t think I’d be wrong to say that we take this to our deathbeds. Am I beautiful? Am I worth fighting for? Am I enough?

For me this innate desire was highlighted through my school years. I think it’s safe to say, that while my few long-lasting relationships brought great joy (and sorrows) they were ultimately there to reaffirm my beauty & in that, my acceptance. I was accepted. Or was I????

You see, while I thought that being loved by a man would fulfill me, I missed the very essence of what love even is. Even amidst some healthy relationships, I felt this deep longing for more. Love from a guy just wasn’t enough. And so it became the argument we often had; the thoughts in my head that I would throw out, sometimes even controlling or manipulating, all with the single purpose of them saying it again, I love you. My relationships were not the only thing I leant on, there was performance too. Doing well in something meant affirmation, which meant acceptance. And that’s all my little heart desired.

My faith was there through this long struggle (for the most part a unrecognised struggle). God was my saviour and strength, but my identity was still caught up in here and now. This place. Ever-changing. Ever-striving! Until the shit hit the fan, and I came face-to-face with everything I was, and wasn’t. I took a few months ‘off life’ to reflect, to dig deep, to search…and to discover. (But that’s a story for another time)

After a few years of shifting my focus, my energy and thoughts towards the bigger picture. My identity being found in the eternal, I recently (about a year ago) had a ‘fat day’ (girls, you’ll know what I’m talking about), and after proclaiming to my husband that I felt fat, he replied with a simple “Spec, when last did you spend time with Jesus?”

My immediate reaction was SHOCK, then BITTERNESS, and then the tears came. His words could not have hit a deeper chord within me. He nailed it. While I hoped, even longed, to hear these words from him, he wasn’t going to give them. Not because he doesn’t think I’m beautiful. He does. But rather because he too has come to this realization that his praise will never fulfill the heart of his wife. That void was made for one man only. The creator. My creator. Your creator. God. Jesus. For years I had relied on acceptance, approval, my looks and achievements to try and fill the void inside, the one that begged for the words only He (God) could utter.I love you. Enough to die for you. You were chosen. Created with utmost purpose and intention. You are mine!

I don’t admit to have it all right, or figured out even, but I do know that I’ve tested every option and there is nothing that can give us greater purpose, than the guy who made you in the first place. He gets you. All of you. And He made you just the way you are, for a purpose that no one else can fulfill.

You are chosen. You are loved. You are accepted. 

Let him answer these questions. Your boyfriend, husband, job, sport, weight or looks will never come close to giving you the kick that you’ll get when you start to walk in a deep knowing, that YOU are loved. Deeply. By your creator! Like


Please like my Facebook page!


  1. tukie on October 23, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Caity, this is insanely profound. And just when i needed to hear it most. God has the best sense of humour 😀 thank you for your awesomeness x

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:39 am

      Yay so glad you could relate my friend <3 Be blessed Tuks!

  2. Jessica on October 23, 2014 at 10:27 am

    very cool read! Loved it 🙂

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:41 am

      Thanks Jessica!!

  3. Bongiwe Beja on October 23, 2014 at 10:39 am

    Absolutely life changing piece. Thank you Caitlyn, I enjoyed this and needed to read this. God bless you!

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:41 am

      Thanks Bongi! Excited to connect with you 🙂

  4. Shannon on October 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    So great kit!! This has been on my mind and heart lately!

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:42 am

      Thanks Shan 🙂

  5. Tamara Bouchard on October 23, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    Sometimes the simplest questions are both the hardest to as and even harder to hear. Thanks for sharing, Caitlyn. Much love!

    • Tamara Bouchard on October 23, 2014 at 2:24 pm


    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:43 am

      Thanks Tamara 🙂 So true!!!

  6. Maddie on October 23, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    See , ladies , this isn’t something we must ask / search in ourselves… Being remembered by the whole world is not the point; but being remembered by one person only could change your life! Stop being self consious and stop doubting yourself! Man, there’s people out there much less fortubate than us, and way morr thankful 🙂 Take care of who you are, ’cause that’s what changes you from the world !


    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:44 am

      Amen Maddie <3

  7. Amy on October 23, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    Kit, this is beautiful! So true! It really hit home! X

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:44 am

      Thanks Amy 🙂

  8. Eve Zabora on October 24, 2014 at 4:00 am

    Very deep and profound Caitlyn
    You are beautiful inside and out as God has made you in His image. Never forget that.

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:45 am

      Thanks Eve! His love is real & alive and it such a privilege to live from that space 🙂

  9. Pk on October 24, 2014 at 6:44 am

    this is the first blog I’ve read .. And it was brilliant

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:46 am

      Yay – excited that you found it and to have you following along!!!

  10. Keren Amaechi on October 24, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Wonderfully written. Keep it up

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:47 am

      Thanks Keren! Appreciate the encouragement!

  11. Carlin Pnematicatos on October 25, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Caitlyn, this was SO inspiring!! I can SO relate to this message!! Awesomeness!! God bless!

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:47 am

      So glad you can relate Carin 🙂 Thanks for reading along!

  12. Karen on October 25, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Good stuff! Solid revelation right there.

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:49 am

      Amen to it being a revelation 🙂 x

  13. nicole on October 27, 2014 at 5:42 am

    this really spoke straight to my heart . as im going through the sam thing looking for acceptance thank you so much for your wise words . god bless you

    • caitlyndb on October 27, 2014 at 11:50 am

      Thanks Nicole. Seeking acceptance is such a real issue for so many girls; so natural but not how it has to be. Would love to chat further x

  14. Tanya on October 27, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    This is the exact same struggle I have been facing and the exact same conclusion I made. Incredible how God makes the message so clear to His daughters — All we must do is listen. He made us and love us exactly the way He did. Definitely stole my heart <3 It is the most beautiful and precious you can ever feel, and no man can make you feel this way, only Him.

    • caitlyndb on October 29, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      Amen Tanya. Thanks for your comment! Only He can full the depths of our souls, there is no one who can come close. Be blessed xx

  15. annette on October 29, 2014 at 6:06 am

    WoW! You nailed it for me. I am 68 and beautiful has long gone. But the Lord loves me just as I am. But so often we forget that and fall back on acceptance of thoses around us. Thank you for reminding me that I am beautiful in the eyes of my Maker and Saviour.

    • caitlyndb on October 29, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      Thanks Annette. Amazing how relevant this topic is for all woman, right across ages, races, cultural groups. Enjoy God & your beautiful life!! x

  16. Chereen on November 18, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    So glad I stumbled upon your blog tonight – and specifically this post, Caitlyn. This is beautifully written and really gets to the heart of the matter… I could so relate to this, and I definitely think it’s time that I spend some more time with Jesus. Thank you x

    • caitlyndb on November 19, 2014 at 7:12 am

      Thanks for your comment Chereen. This really is a message that I think we all need to hear every few days (I sure do) 🙂 xx

  17. Jojo on October 24, 2015 at 9:37 am

    Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. Your words have struck a chord and resonated in my soul and I can’t begin to describe how desperately I needed to read this today.

    Thanks Cait.

    • caitlyndb on October 25, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      A thank you for honesty Jo. A concept so many of us girls spend our lives trying to deal with..when all we are called to do – is just be loved by Him! xx

  18. Stacey on October 25, 2015 at 10:00 am

    thank you for reposting this! I read it at a time when I felt like filling ‘the void’ with things that serve only to destroy me. Back to our creator is where I need to turn. Thank for this profound message and much needed reminder.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.