Real and raw…

PicMonkey Collage-2


It’s easy to admit (and see from the outside too) that 2 of my biggest weaknesses are impatience, and my need for control. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked on these areas of my life, but never do they pop their sneaky heads up (in all their ugliness) as much as they do in my 3rd trimester of my pregnancies.

I had my hospital bag packed by 32 weeks preggers (full-term is 40 weeks) with Sarah (my 1st child), convinced that she’d come early, as HELLO; I’m early for everything and thus should be my child. Well, God had other plans and Se was born (naturally) the day before her due date in Feb 2016. Fast-forward a year and a bit (yes, our gap is that small) and here I sit at 34 weeks preggers with my hospital bag packed, once again convinced that our baby will come early, while still determined to have a natural birth preferably without being induced. The only difference this time around is that I find myself an emotional wreck, knowing that my time alone with Sarah is about to come to an end; and yet still I wrestle with impatience.

Just last week, while chatting to a friend, I mentioned that I was ‘praying that our little man makes an early appearance’. She replied with ‘Kit, I think stop praying that. And rather pray that God gives you time to rest, with Sarah, as your baby boy grows to term’. This said-friend has had 3 pregnancies and thus has every right to make these kind of comments, as she honestly gets the discomfort but also the importance of this season.

And so my new some-what halfhearted (as I have a super hyperactive toddler) prayer was birthed, “Jesus, please give me time over the next month to rest with Sarah as my baby boy grows to term.”

We’re close to one week in of praying this new prayer, and we sent our nanny (this week) on a 2 full-day cooking course, thus Sarah and I were alone…and I was convinced that I was in for a serious shaking, if not preterm labour 🙂 but lone behold, my busy daughter has showed a compassion that brings tears to my eyes as I write this now. Daily, we have played all morning followed by her naptime and in the afternoons she has given me space and time to rest, to lie on the couch and to simply be entertained by her little 17-month-old self. She has run off to play on her own in her playroom, returning only to give my tummy (baba) regular kisses. She has eaten all her meals (a non-occurrence in our home) and refrained from tantrums.

Am I shocked? Yes. Should I be? Of course not. Our Heavenly Father knows our needs, and He gives us the desires of our hearts. I’m not saying that the next month won’t be trying for me, but gracious this week has reminded me of the God in whom I trust.




  1. Sheene on July 20, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    Love this honesty! Xx

    • caitlyndb on July 20, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      Thanks Sheene <3

  2. Lisa on July 20, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    Thank you for this, Caitlyn! It is so beautiful to read how you are truly feeling, and as you say, God always has the better plan. We think we know what we want and need, but He really knows how it should be. Enjoy and treasure these last few days or weeks with your baby girl before your family of three graduates to four. Before you know it, you won’t know life without your new baby in it. Lots of love x

    • caitlyndb on July 20, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      Thanks Lis <3 xx

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.